Bitter in Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a funny thing. For being so powerful it can really be hurtful to the forgiver. Maybe forgiveness isn't my problem, but thinking that someone else can appreciate forgiveness is. I need to remember, just because I forgive someone doesn't mean they've changed. After all the key benefits of forgiveness are for me. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. I should think of forgiveness more about how it can change my life — by bringing me more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.

When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present. Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.

As I write I've realized an answer to a question I asked myself not too long ago. I asked myself how I was able to dissolve previous issues I'd had in other relationships but found myself unbothered by in mine & Eric's relationship. I thought I'd forgiven people who hurt me in the past...and maybe I had, but maybe I didn't fully forgive them...or maybe I just hadn't forgiven myself...

I found this quote and it's funny how perfect it is...this is what goes through my mind when I hear people say they will forgive, but not forget:

I can forgive, but I cannot forget" is only another way of saying, "I will not forgive."
Forgiveness ought to be like a canceled note--torn in two and burned up so that it never can be shown against one.