"I don’t think you should ever be afraid of honesty and of being honest that you’re not perfect, and that you do feel vulnerable sometimes. I just happen to write about it. "
~Taylor Swift~

[This explains perfectly why I don't have a problem sharing anything with anyone - ie: being so open on my myspace & facebook, I have nothing to hide]

Do ever have those days when you know you wanna write, you need to write but you don't know about what or why? I feel like I've got so much going through my head but the thoughts are going too fast for me to even reach up, grab one and run with it. Therefore, I apologize if my thoughts on this blog seem incomplete, random, rambling or just plain "WTH?!". (: I think this is more of a venting type blog today...

I feel like no matter what I do to get ahead, I only fall further behind. Take for example college. I have always been determined to get a degree - preferably from a 4-year university. I was so determined & excited to get started that I didn't even take a break from high school before I was enrolled. I literally started college about 2 weeks after graduation. Mom & dad made me a deal that if I stayed in Augusta my first 2 years to "get grounded" & get the hang of it, I'd be free to go where ever I wanted. AWESOME! I had the perfect plan. I chose Georgia Military College and I was going to get my General Associates so everything would transfer when I was ready. I really liked it. Classes were small, easy to understand, and teachers were nice. Unfortunately, at that time, GMC was very small and was unable to offer all the classes I needed at (proper) times. The end of my second yr came & I was MORE THAN READY to get out of Augusta - I'd been here 20 yrs of my life! I still hadn't gotten my associates degree though, and it was going to take another year to get it (because the lack of classes offered). No way was I gonna stick around for ANOTHER year! I transferred to Georgia Southern University & was reassured over and over that everything would transfer NO PROBLEM. Oh, they forgot to mention - they would transfer, but I wouldn't get the class credits - just the hourly credits. Ok, back to square one. I was a 20 y.o. freshman with a junior's worth of hrs! UGH! I made the best of it and again - worked my way back to jr stats. No matter what I tried I couldn't pass accounting & couldn't take anything else until I passed it. I moved home after 4 or 5 attempts (yes, really) and about 6 months later moved to Athens to intern at a record label. I had to work 3 jobs to barely make ends meet (in addition to the internship); but that didn't matter, I'd soon being doing something I loved! I was willing to do ANYTHING to make sure of that. Long story short, I was shafted on that too. Many months and a crazy amount of empty promises later I quit the record company. Six months later I moved home. I was in Athens a little less than 2 years and loved every minute of it. But, again... I'm here... back in Augusta... STILL in school (at least I made an A in accounting THIS time!) and still working for dad. Great. I HATE looking around at my friends - they've all graduated, most have families and a career... oh - and they are YOUNGER than me. UGH. WTF

Next - I'M AN AUNT! Well, sort of. Probably as close as I'll come for a while. CONGRATULATIONS BLAKE, ANGELA & BIG SISTER LAYLA! and WELCOME baby Brooks!

I like to think I'm a good person. I'd do anything for anyone. I deserve good things, right? Then can someone explain to me why I feel like things are falling apart before they have a chance to really come together? I feel like I act all wrong. Mom complains that I don't act like a "lady", my friends think it's hilarious (later only to be grossed out - which I don't really understand since they knew what I was like from day one), and I just think it's whatever. Part of my life makes me think of SITC EP 76...of course the actual "problem" lies in a different area. All I can do is be me & hope that all I feel and my kindheartedness shines through. /: LoL Maybe that's what I'll do with my Friday night; watch SITC...oh, wait...our DVD player isn't working. DAMMIT!

Lately I've really been tempted to delete my FB and MS. (I KNOW, RIGHT?!) It's just extremely distracting. We all know I don't need anymore distractions in my life. There's something that's kindda telling me not to though. Besides - it's hard for me to do it with the knowledge that I'll (hopefully) be graduating soon. I'm really going to try to take advantage of of my contacts to find a job.

I might be back later today - I'm not sure...like I said - I feel like I have a lot going on in my little pea head, but I can't seem to grasps any one thing long enough to get into it. UGH